I love having girlfriends.
I love the joy they add to any glass of wine, a new pair of jeans, or a great chick-flick. I’ve solved more of the world’s problems with a girlfriend. I’ve planned more “secret murders” with a baseball bat, duck tape and a Buick with my girlfriends.
And there are all types of girlfriends, aren’t there? Shopping girlfriends, dinner girlfriends, kid-swap girlfriends, drinks girlfriends, bible study girlfriends, dance floor girlfriends, etc.
At one time or another, they all serve a very big purpose. They fulfilled a need. Soothed a wound. Encouraged a behavior.
And as much as I love having an arsenal of girlfriends, I hardly get to spend time with them. This isn’t like high school or college where I had oodles of free time to wax philospophiscal about whether accounting or business would be a better major. I’m full-on in this thing called middle life. And there is no time because it is full with family, activities, job, and responsibilities.
And therefore, my girlfriend social life looks like this…
- One lunch here with Friend A. (Last one was seven weeks ago.)
- One happy hour here with Friend B. (Last one was five months ago.)
- One girls weekend here with Group A. (Last one was a year ago.)
And when I spread my relationships this thin, just like jelly, it doesn’t really taste very good. It’s watered-down, flavorless, and sometimes undesirable.
Why?
Because let’s face it, unless you are putting time and effort into a relationship, it really can only last so long on fumes.
People change. Priorities change. Lifestyles change.
That friend who was so much fun to go dancing with, has divorced and now has turned into a cougar picking up 24 year olds at Fox and The Hound, while you sit back as the “wingman” and smile and look at your watch wondering when it will be 11 pm so you can get out of there and go home.
So, I’ve decided that as hard as it is…I’m culling my girlfriend herd.
I realize it is callous. That some will label me a bitch, stuck-up, distant, or afraid.
But at this point, I don’t care. I need quality relationships with women. Relationships like my college days. Open, sharing, build-you-up, non-judgemental, supporting, loving, pour-me-another-drink-because-this-one-is-almost-gone relationships. And my hope is if I simplify, I will be able to spend more time with my girlfriends that bring me true joy.
So I’m hitting the unlike button of several people on Facebook.
And I’m texting others and making standing plans for lunch or coffee.
And for the first time, my desire to be the Homecoming Queen and everyone’s friend is gone.
I can’t wait to read more, Kelly. Your no bs-style offers a very different viewpoint from other blogs.
Thanks Ann. I’m excited for this new venture. Its going to be fun.
Sometimes friends have to go for one reason or another. But on the plus side maybe it opens up time and brain space to foster new friendships. Ones that are healthy and fun.
That’s what I think Heidi. I’m looking forward into investing in people that I want in my life long-term. And it has been freeing to just make the decision and move on.
Stumbled on this blog from your VMA post… I have loved your coupon site, but this post makes me love you even more!!! I can’t wait to follow along with you here!
YEAH. I can’t wait for the adventure. It’s been on my heart and mind to create this site for awhile. I’m glad I have the chance to do it.
I have had exactly the same thought process since we moved two years ago. I love where this “blogging journey” has taken you and love this
new blog. Love you! Miss you!
Miss you too, sweet friend!!
Kelly! How did I not know about this site?? I clicked over from Pinterest and it was so fun to click over on a post that looked really interesting on Pinterest only to find out that it’s the new blog of a friend!! 😉
Love this post by the way! Great encouragement to really invest in the friends who will be there for years to come!
Thanks Rachel. It’s another outlet for all the things that I’m either going through or are in my mind that are related to the “other site”. I’m loving having a second outlet.