I love having girlfriends.
I love the joy they add to any glass of wine, a new pair of jeans, or a great chick-flick. I’ve solved more of the world’s problems with a girlfriend. I’ve planned more “secret murders” with a baseball bat, duck tape and a Buick with my girlfriends.
And there are all types of girlfriends, aren’t there? Shopping girlfriends, dinner girlfriends, kid-swap girlfriends, drinks girlfriends, bible study girlfriends, dance floor girlfriends, etc.
At one time or another, they all serve a very big purpose. They fulfilled a need. Soothed a wound. Encouraged a behavior.
And as much as I love having an arsenal of girlfriends, I hardly get to spend time with them. This isn’t like high school or college where I had oodles of free time to wax philospophiscal about whether accounting or business would be a better major. I’m full-on in this thing called middle life. And there is no time because it is full with family, activities, job, and responsibilities.
And therefore, my girlfriend social life looks like this…
- One lunch here with Friend A. (Last one was seven weeks ago.)
- One happy hour here with Friend B. (Last one was five months ago.)
- One girls weekend here with Group A. (Last one was a year ago.)
And when I spread my relationships this thin, just like jelly, it doesn’t really taste very good. It’s watered-down, flavorless, and sometimes undesirable.
Because let’s face it, unless you are putting time and effort into a relationship, it really can only last so long on fumes.
People change. Priorities change. Lifestyles change.
That friend who was so much fun to go dancing with, has divorced and now has turned into a cougar picking up 24 year olds at Fox and The Hound, while you sit back as the “wingman” and smile and look at your watch wondering when it will be 11 pm so you can get out of there and go home.
So, I’ve decided that as hard as it is…I’m culling my girlfriend herd.
I realize it is callous. That some will label me a bitch, stuck-up, distant, or afraid.
But at this point, I don’t care. I need quality relationships with women. Relationships like my college days. Open, sharing, build-you-up, non-judgemental, supporting, loving, pour-me-another-drink-because-this-one-is-almost-gone relationships. And my hope is if I simplify, I will be able to spend more time with my girlfriends that bring me true joy.
So I’m hitting the unlike button of several people on Facebook.
And I’m texting others and making standing plans for lunch or coffee.
And for the first time, my desire to be the Homecoming Queen and everyone’s friend is gone.