Motivation…
I’m just going to let the word sit there for a moment.
It’s a good word, right? Motivation. It makes people get up and DO something. It makes entrepreneurs keep working even if they aren’t making a dime. It makes athletes do “one more drill” so they are ready for the big game.
There are many words in the English language that bring up a plethora of emotions in me, but for me, motivation is one of the scariest. Because I often wonder what does motivation mean to the modern mom? What is her motivation for doing anything?
What Does Motivation Mean?
Webster’s online dictionary defines motivation three ways:
- the act or process of giving someone a reason for doing something : the act or process of motivating someone
- the condition of being eager to act or work : the condition of being motivated
- a force or influence that causes someone to do something
It’s that last definition that puts fear in my heart.
A force or influence that causes someone to do something
I often wonder what kind of force or influence I am that can cause someone to do something. How do I use my power? Like, Luke Skywalker, I wonder if it is for good or evil.
Here’s an example.
Last week, my son’s teacher called me to inform me she was concerned because she had caught my son being unpleasant and bullying another boy in his class. In fact, it was noted that my son was so cruel he had made the other boy cry during the school day. She wanted to bring it to my attention.
Here was my reaction….in this order.
1. Shock. (Why are you calling me? What? Did you say BULLY?)
2. Embarrassment. (I’ve raised my son to be better than that, where did I go wrong?)
3. Apologetic. (I’m so sorry. I’ll fix it. I’ll make sure he says he is sorry to the other boy.)
4. Anger. (How could my son put me through this {enter apologetic, embarrassment and shock emotions}?)
So when my son got home, he got a first-rate talking to and punishment that included writing the other boy an apology letter.
In theory, that sounds fine, doesn’t it? Like I’m a good mom. Like my motivation for making him write the note was pure. That I wanted him to understand right and wrong and that bullying in our house was unacceptable.
There was nothing pure about it.
I didn’t ask him once what had happened during the REST of the day that forced him to get so mean. (Did I mention these boys have gone back and forth all year?) I didn’t ask if something had pushed him over the edge to make him lash out and hurt the other boy’s feelings. I didn’t ask anything. I just used my influence and made him do something.
Why did I make him? Because I didn’t want to be on the boy’s parents’ short-list. It would make our (okay, my) life hard. And even though these two boys have tangled all.year.long, I didn’t want to push back because I was afraid of how it would look for me and the consequences socially it would have on my son at school.
My motivation had nothing to do about making him a better kid, it was because I feared being on the outer circle.
And while this is one example, there are so many more. What’s our motivation for putting kids on certain athletic teams, going to certain schools, having certain grades, wearing certain clothes, or dating (or not dating) certain people? What’s our motivation for wanting to live in a certain neighborhood, workout at a certain gym, have a certain job, or socialize with certain people?
Is it for you or is it for someone else? How are you using your influence?
It is time to change.
It’s time to choose to not be motivated by fear. Fear of being unworthy, unloved, unwanted, or unappreciated. Using our influence to attempt to “squash” any of these feelings is like burning $100 bills to get warm. It’s a freakin’ waste of resources.
It’s time our actions aren’t motivated by fear, but what’s best for our families, individuals, and the world, without having to apologize for the decision that was made. It’s time to quit worrying about others’ opinions and start worrying about our own opinion of ourselves.
It’s time to look in the mirror and be motivated to stand tall, make a difference, and embrace individuality.
So what does motivation mean to me now?
It means listening to the small, but wise voice in my heart, and choosing different paths, even if they aren’t popular. It means listening to the requests of my children and start motivating by example to them and others. It means being motivated to fix things and not just push them under the carpet.
And perhaps by changing the driving force behind my motivation, I will never be scared to figure out…
