My first born son will turn TWELVE on Sunday.
How did that happen? I remember when I was 12-Years Old!!
And while I distinctly remember the 36 hours of labor that his large head caused me, I also remember the wonder and fascination I had as a new mother. He smelled good. He was a sweet baby. He hardly cried. He slept all the time.
Fast forward, twelve years.
And now I’m living with a pre-teen boy…it’s like part-boy and part-man child that smells weird.
So in honor of my son’s birthday, I thought I would put together a list of the 10 Signs You Are Living With A Pre-Teen Boy.
Or at least they are my signs that I’m living with a pre-teen boy, you may have better kids than me, and if so, we need to have a coffee date stat!
10 Signs You Are Living With A Pre-Teen Boy
1. Eye-rolling will become a secondary language. I could ask him about his day, what he wants for dinner, or to take the dog outside and 80% of the time the answer will include an eye roll of varying degrees. I’ve determined my voice causes the eye roll because it has nothing to do with the question, task, or conversation.
2. No filter. Hmmm….a thought popped into my son’s head, he must express it, even if the timing is bad.
“Mom. Mom. MOM!!!”
I come rushing from my bedroom where I’m putting on my clothes. “WHAT! Is everything okay?”
“Did you know on Terriaria, I beat a {insert whatever the hell they are called} and then he dropped four gold swords and that made it so I could buy {insert whatever the hell is they do on that game because it reminds of the mindless game DigDug from the 80s.}.”
But then when I ask him about his day, I get the one-word answer, “Fine.”
3. The ability to take everything literally, and then argue about it, will be common place. For example, you may mention in the morning that you will be having dinner earlier that night, at 5:00, because of another obligation. At 5:05 you find said boy eating tortilla chips by the handful.
You ask, “What are you doing? We are about ready to have dinner!”
Response, “You said we were having dinner at 5:00, it’s 5:05, I figured you forgot. It’s not my fault you are late.”
4. The sheer fascination with talking about his “balls” all.the.time. I blame the damn “puberty video” they see in school, but now my son has a fascination with talking about his “balls” or “nuts” all.the.time. “So-and-so hit Joe in the nuts today at the pool.” “These shorts cramp my balls.” “Why do my balls itch?” And it is usually at the perfect time (see point #2), like at the dinner table.
At exactly, 12:30, Snackius-Maxius will arrive and declare, “I’m hungry.”
You offer multiple items like, carrot sticks, apples, hummus, berries, a banana. The response, “Not hungry.”
However, offer a bag of Takis or microwave popcorn and the whole thing will be devoured in under two minutes. I’ve determined that Snackius-Maximus thinks food in a bag is considered a food group.
6. Hygiene is debatable. My son takes a shower everyday, if he uses soap or shampoo during that shower is debatable.
(And how he can take a 30 minute shower and NOT use soap is beyond me….maybe those 30 minutes are spent exploring point #4.)
I keep trying to tell him that if “wants to get a girl” hygiene is important. Girls like boys that brush their teeth, have clean hair, smell nice, have clean ears, and don’t have blackheads all over their face.
His response, “Girls, like me anyways, Mom.”
7. The constant odor of wet dog combined with BO. Because of point #6, your sweet smelling son will start smelling like wet dog with a hint of body odor (or a lot of body odor). I’ve determined that all sixth grade teachers have lost the ability to smell, because I walked in to group of boys playing dodge ball and about lost my lunch.
There are truly no words to describe the smell.
8. Sighing will become a communication tool, and it could mean anything. If you are lucky, in addition to the eye roll (see point #1), you’ll also get a SIGH. And while the eye roll usually means there is some level of annoyance in whatever I’m saying, the SIGH can mean anything.
For example…
Please take out the trash. SIGH.
You did a really good job today at your swim meet. SIGH.
What’s wrong? You are acting weird. SIGH.
And I stink at figuring out what the SIGH means! Is he annoyed? Sad? Happy? Mad? Indifferent? Brain-Dead?
9. They will be better than you at everything electronic. I’m a freakin’ blogger, who works on a computer everyday, and yet, my pre-teen son can organize my iPhone, make my computer fun faster, and work the Netflix and Amazon Prime Video apps on the Xbox better and faster than me. It sucks to ask for help. And I can’t tell if he secretly enjoys helping me or hates it. (Based on point #8.)
10. A razor-fine line between being a child and being a teenager. Most of the time, my son wants to sit with his friends at events, slap his dad on the back, hold hands with a girl, and tell his friends how awesome they are. And yet, every now and again, my pre-teen boy still wants to be a boy. He still wants to sit by me. Hug me. Hold my hand. Tell me that he loves me.
And those precious moments are TRUE BLISS because I realize they are becoming fewer and less frequent. Motherhood is an amazing ride. The stinky, eye-rolling, snackius-maximus stage, is just one step closer to my son becoming the man he was intended to be. And it’s pretty cool to watch from the sidelines.
Happy Birthday, Bubba. I love you. – Mom
